It’s understandable that when a new relationship begins, a person with chronic Hep B (CHBV) would prefer to thread carefully about if/when they should tell their partner that they are a carrier. In my case it took 5 months in to the relationship before I was told. I discovered and joined this forum to learn more about the condition.
My partner didn’t want to talk about it after he’d told me so he would encourage me to google instead if I had any questions. I understand it’s probably been traumatic for him dealing with this since his 20’s. Everywhere you go there’s discrimination - the psychological impact of this takes it’s tole so some people find it easier to stay quiet in new relationships. My view may be misguided, but I genuinely think almost everyone would be willing to accept whatever condition a partner is dealing with and support them. Some people would walk away (I wouldn’t label them as cruel - it’s their choice). But majority of people I know in Western )I emphasise Western) will more like work together in the journey and support when needed. But what I’ve struggled to reconcile and accept later on, is that it took over 5months before I found out. Nothing would have changed except I’d get a test to determine my own immune level and consider vaccine earlier. But I feel hurt that the decision whether or not to inform a new partner, is based entirely on the carrier’s decision if they want to or feel comfortable enough to or not. In that period, others become exposed unknowingly and it is accepted that there’s nothing we can do about it but remain supportive for the person who’s dealing with HepB.
My partner has been very happy since he told me because he said things have been much better since he got it off his chest. Our relationship grew much closer, in part because I made some lifestyle choices in our health regimen to support him in stabilising the viral load. I also encouraged regular testing going forward, something he was reluctant to do but he has somewhat agreed to do it once a year for himself. The problem I have is that I later started feeling resentful. But there is no avenue or tolerance for me to share this anywhere because it’s seen as selfish. I grew resentful that for over 5months, I was exposed to something that I had no idea about. There is no expectation that people should feel obliged to reveal their medical status to anybody, even in a relationship. It’s down to a moral expectation of the carrier and it’s ultimately their decision what they choose to share. I’m trying not to let this resentment grow because I care for him so much already and I would like us to build a lasting future together. I’ve tried to gently bring up this topic in a sensitive way so he doesn’t feel bad but it was shut down because he walked out the room. If I mention it again, he will likely feel like I’m discriminating and that’s not my intention. So I’ve come here to express myself online. I hope that this will help me let go of that underlying resentment. I just feel hurt that my partner (or any person for that matter) would choose to keep this a secret because they felt uncomfortable.