I am a college student and I am 22 years old.
I discovered that I had Hepatitis B when I was 16. I got a full scholarship to go to a really competitive high school. It was all I ever dreamed of and I was so excited for the future. Since we had to live in dorms, they asked us to get tested for a bunch of things and one of them was Hepatitis B.
I was so surprised when I found out I was positive (I was a shy & super religious kid. I remember having not even the slightest worry about whether any of my tests will come back positive. I was young and dumb at the time and things like hepatitis are things that only happen to evil & sexually deviant people.
)
I went to a few doctors and they all agreed that I have chronic Hepatitis B. This was a month or two before I was supposed to start my new high school. Up until then, I had so much hope for my future. Discovering I had Hepatitis B was…traumatic for me. I wasn’t allow to grieve it at the time because I didn’t really have the support network that would allow me to do that. My family invalidated my feelings by saying things like “Oh well, you’re healthy. You have nothing to worry about.” or “You only have a bit of the virus in you” or “We will all die from something”. I was too young to do anything about it. I thought I could just ignore it and go back to what life was like before I found out I had it. Especially then, when one of my biggest journeys was about to being. I guess I thought I just had to be strong?
I didn’t know much about the progression of the illness, but I knew that my risks of it getting really bad would increase as I age. Knowing that, I had barely any optimism for my future. I’m from a poor family from an even poorer country. When you grow up in circumstances like those, you are all you have. Your health and body is all you have. It’s fd up.
Knowing that my body might let me down one day made me develop a weird sense of pressure - like I had to work extra hard to provide a safe future for myself for when I do get sick… Obviously that mindset didn’t work. The pressure just broke me, I became severely depressed and burnt out and was failing all my high school classes.
I confided in a few friends about my Hep B and soon enough everybody in my school knew I had it. I’ve heard a story about one person having a crush on me and the other person being like "Stay away from her. She has Hepatitis B ) Those rumors have followed me into college. People at my current college even started talking about how I have Hepatitis B and HIV. I don’t know where the HIV part came from but I am assuming it’s because they’re both illnesses that start with H ??? I don’t even know.
I stopped being the person I was my whole life and I was never able to rediscover myself. I was failing high school and didn’t go to college for a year. Then, I somehow got a scholarship to go to college in the US. I genuinely don’t know how since my grades were so bad, but I am guessing a big part of it was that my high school just had such a good reputation.
I’ve spent college just barely keeping my head above the water, living day to day. I lost all my passion for life. I found out I had Hep B when I was 16 and I am 22 now. I am still lost. I can’t trust people. I feel betrayed by my family. I feel betrayed by my current college (staff and students).
I haven’t monitored my Hepatitis B since I was 16. I am afraid of what I might find because I know there’s nothing I can currently do about it even if I do. Especially in the US, where healthcare is so expensive. Although I have insurance through my scholarship, I still can’t afford a bill that’s even a few hundreds. I am just so afraid and I have no support.
The good news is that one of my friends has a parent who works in the medical field. They were able to get me some blood work for free. They checked my bilirubin, AST, ALT, Alkaline Phosphate and Globulin. Everything was normal except that I had low AST (But I’ve researched it and seems like only high AST has clinical significance)
They also did my CBC and that looked good as well. Had slightly raised Lymphocytes (48.2%) but I was recovering from a cold when they took my blood.
I feel so alone and I just don’t trust anyone enough to talk to them in real life. I’ve talked to counselors and I am on a medication that helps with my depression. My issue is that I am genuinely lacking the support I need.
Sorry for the long post. I just had to get his off my chest. Hope everyone on here is doing okay. Sending love to everyone. <3