I held myself from crying at the hospital today

General Discussion
#1

Hello family. Long time. It’s Johnpaul, who complained about his health, how he was feeling and how he had to stop medication because of the cost.

I finally got some money and went to the hospital, I had been feeling dizzy, weak, anemic, stomach upset, loss of appetite and recently, shortness of breath and non-productive cough, though the last has been intermittent. I had to go to the hospital.

I went yesterday and saw the doctor and did other things. Today I went back again for an ultrasound. I had been afraid of the result, but I heard the hospital lab technicians discussing my ultrasound as they were scanning my abdomen. They needed to be sure.
After they told me I have abscess in the liver and focal fatty liver.
It was as though my fear became real. Thoughts rushed back to my head. Though I had signs, but I know I started feeling most of the signs after I stopped taking my drugs, but I had no choice. No money to continue.
I came out of the scanning room trying to hold back my eyes from tearing. I wanted to burst into tears. I quickly thought of how some movies have shown the same scenario, but now it was real. Thoughts were many. I mean we all long for longevity. But was I born to die young, I asked. I thought of my dreams and my people.
I was very dizzy to walk. My emotional strength as a man has quite weaned. I wasn’t like this. I was stronger, but I must say I think I have been hit strong. I also thought about my life as a young man of 30,how I have been careful not to make mistakes sexually and whatever, sorry to say that. My mind was running wild.

WHO has had any liver abscess and focal fatty liver as a chronic hep b patient

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#2

Dear @Johnpaul_Ezeike.

I am so very sorry to hear this news! Hopefully you will get the best possible care as you go through this trying time.

Please do not feel bad about nearly crying over this bad news. Intense, unsettling emotions like that are perfectly normal during times of major stress, and accepting them as they come can be helpful.

Also, please remember that you will not be the first man to cry in a hospital. My younger son was nearly killed in a car accident a few years ago. I totally broke down in tears and nearly passed out from shock when I saw him in the ICU bed with wires and tubes coming out of him everywhere. Fortunately, modern medical care can be very powerful and he has made a full recovery. However, I still need to block that image out of my mind, or I start crying again even now.

I sincerely wish you the very best.

John.

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#3

Thank you John for your words. I don’t even know where to begin at this time. But it’s good to hear from you.

#4

Sorry jake paul. Are u in Nigeria. So sorry to hear this. You not in this alone

#5

Sounds like this has been a very emotional experience. As I ready your story, I was worried you were going to say they saw a mass that looked like cancer. Fatty liver is quite common and often found at the same time people with HBV get their ultrasounds so you are definitely not alone in that! Liver abscesses are not related to hepatitis B and could be from an infection. Please take it step by step and know you are not alone!

#6

I do understand. I felt really bad because this was not there few months ago I did scan. And the serious signs I am having. I see myself think of the option of liver transplant.

#7

Hi Ezekiel,
Sorry for what you went through. It is normal to not only feel like crying when one is confronted with un pleasant news. The best thing at this time is to let the tears out. It’s soothing to do so.
I to have mild fat in my liver. I have been faithful with my medication without missing a dose, so I don’t think your case is brought about by missed doses. Don’t blaim your self for nothing. Further, stop imagining you will fall dead tomorrow. Instead, start working on your diet to control your fatty liver.
Remember, the more you get obsessed with death, the more stressed you will get. And, this wouldn’t help you in anyway.
Get focused and soldier on, the journey is still long.
Kinoti

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#8

Sorry for the news. It’s ok to get emotional, especially when it’s about you.

Stop eating carbs(bread, grains, rice, etc) and sugars (processed and natural). Get on a vegetarian diet and keep it up for a month. Then if you can keep it longer do so, then you can eat those foods moderately.

It’s not the end, keep positive and keep living.

1 Like
#9

Happy to know I could air my condition and feelings here. I had been reticent about my health , but opening up has been better. Love you all

3 Likes
#10

Hi Johnpaul_Ezeike,
I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through and finding out about this other health issues. That might have been a shock, sad and an emotional experience for you. Like everyone has said, it is ok to cry. There is nothing wrong with that. When you feel like crying, let the tears flow. It is a way off releasing some of the pressure and stress held inside our body. It is healthy and good for the body as long as it does not become a daily thing where one just cries say from morning to evening. That might not be healthy.

Many people with hepatitis B self-isolate from their support systems for fear of stigmatization. I know this is a huge problem in some countries in Africa. This leads to loneliness and loss of a support system. This can be really hard and challenging. Try and find one or two people that you can trust; who can create a safe place and will allow you to vent your frustrations and pains without feeling judged or worried about the information you share being used against you. These trusted people don’t have to understand what you are dealing with; but they can listen and provide the safe space for you to express your inner feelings and thoughts. This could be helpful and take some of the loneliness due to self-isolation from hep. B stigma away.

It is only human to think of death when we get bad medical news or think worse when there is any bad news. You are not alone here, we all have such thought that very moment we receive such news. I understand things look tough and scary; but I want you to take a deep breathe and exhale slowly. Take things one day at a time. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Never give up, because you still have something worth fighting and living for.

You might want to find resources in your community or near you. Ask the staff and doctors at the hospital. Ask friends, your pastor and neighbors about these resources. There might be a clinic or health agency run by an NGO or another entity that provides free medical services or helps with medications among other things to people who need help. Try looking for and contacting some of these agncies or organizations as they could help provide the services you need even when you don’t have money. This will help you get the needed medical care you need.

Please try and take good care of yourself, you will need your energy and a positive mindset to keep fighting these battles. Things might look dark and scary; but remember that you are not alone. Try finding the little positives or small victories that comes your way and enjoy those moments. If you need someone to talk to or vent your frustrations reach out and some of us will be happy to listen and share experiences that can be supportive. We are all here for you, brother. Stay in touch and i hope you get some solutions and help soon.
Bright.

4 Likes
#11

Thank you Bansah for this. It’s very lifting.

#12

Hi Neptune
I like your mastery of the management of fatty liver desease. You are very resourceful.
Kinoti

#13

Dear @Johnpaul_Ezeike,

I’m sorry to hear about your experiences and understand it must be really stressful at the moment. As said by everyone here, there should be no shame in crying or showing any emotions when under such strain. I am glad you felt comfortable enough to share your story here and hope you are feeling the support from this community.

Also, as Dr. @Suwang88 has mentioned, fatty liver is common in all of our society (as much as 30%) and the abscess is not likely due to the HBV.

Please continue to keep us updated on your situation, we’re here to stand by you through this :).

Thomas

#14

I have just been admitted in the hospital. After doing another test and scan, a huge mass was seen on my liver. I have been receiving rebukes from people at the hospital for not being serious with my medication and health. They don’t understand that the money was not there. Guess I should blame myself…

Johnpaul

#15

Sorry johnpaul. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t discover ontime. I pray everything be ok

#16

Sorry to hear you are in hospital. Have you told them you don’t have the money for medication?
Maybe there is a mission or organisation that helps with funds for you. I hope so.
Stay strong

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#17

Caraline, I told them. But it seems I’m on my own. I hope and pray for a miracle. I can’t easily eat or drink water now without some disturbances. I lost it and cried in my bed yesterday night, bawling like never before . If you have not been sick, you may not know what you have or what others are passing through in every sense of the word.

#18

Thanks Chukwu. I am holding on

#19

You are not alone. I have cried many times. I pray that you will be cured soon. Let me know if you need money.

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#20

Thanks Suresh. I for one would not want the platform to be a place where I should ask for money. Though I don’t know what the rules might be by the admin. All the same thanks for your concern.

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