Have been finding it difficult to forgive myself

I keep replaying what would have been if have been more careful with my life choices. Struggling with I shouldn’t have done what I did that led to contracting the virus thoughts. I try to be positive and optimistic, tried to forgive myself and move on but it keeps coming back…

Hi @sam12,
I do empathize with you. It is hard initially, but it gets better overtime. It took me about 3 years to accept and be at peace with my diagnosis, I hope it does not take you that long. Once I got to that point, I have not struggled with such issues. I like to compare this cycle to that of grieving. You feel fine one day and the next you are not. This is not going to be a straightforward thing so expect those back and forth/up and downs. Remain positive, accept what you can’t change and try moving forward one step at a time. Couldn’t, shouldn’t, wasn’t etc does not matter at this point, rather it’s how you handle things from this point forward that matters. Best, Bansah1.

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I hear you, Sam. Been in that boat a lot over the past year…don’t know what life WOULD have been but definitely wonder what COULD have been and I dream it would have been better than this. And then I look at the positives that came about…healthier life style being a big one. I’ve made new “cyber friends” on here…this has been an enormous help. I keep wishing there was something less anonymous but am happier than I am sad now.
I keep an open mind when I have medical appointments hoping that someday someone will either reach out or seem open to be reached out to.
Chin up…no matter how bad you think this is there are always people in worse positions than we are.
Feel free to reach out if you need an ear to bend…
Denny

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Thank you @Bansah1 @Denny
I will continue to remain positive!

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I got diagnosed with acute hepatitis B some months ago, I was fine and believed the virus will clear until I had an upcoming medical test to do for my travel visa, the thought that they might denial my visa because of my health status gave me serious anxiety, I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t eat or do anything, I just wanted the virus to go so I won’t loose my visa, guess what? I tested negative two days to my medicals but the initial scheduled date for the medical test was postponed the next day.

Now that I’m negative, I now have anxiety disorder that I’m trying to get rid of, my blood pressure has been high and I’m trying to calm it down by relaxing, I’ve been struggling with these new issues because I was too worried back when I was infected.

So you see, worrying has a way of making things worse, I should be very happy now but I’m struggling with the adverse effect of worrying.

For you, imagine having high blood pressure due to your worry about hepatitis B and you ended up taking medication for two illness? I know it’s not easy but I’ve been there so I understand, 2 doctors told me I had a chronic infection when I was first diagnosed and said that there was no cure for me, I worried about that for a while before I found out that my infection was actually acute and not chronic, so like I said, I understand how you feel, BUT KNOW THAT WORRYING AND DEPRESSION IS VERY VERY DANGEROUS, IT ALWAYS MAKE THINGS WORSE.

Stress is bad for anyone but worse for us with HBV for a few reasons. I’ve had some stress in my personal life and am on some heart med to help keep my blood pressure down so a few blood vessels in my stomach don’t grow and have to be banded. But not sweating the small stuff is not as easy as it should be…lol
I was also diagnosed with acute, not chronic, but will always have it even when in remission. And am now being treated for cirrhosis from the damage done to my liver.
So I feel your anxiety…
Good luck, stay strong and keep on the happy side of the trail!
Denny

Is the acute infection resolved now? Are you now negative? What gave you cirrhosis?

Hi, David,
Yes, the acute infection “resolved” about 2 months ago after 8 months of symptoms. Load test coming in September.
The cirrhosis is a result of the damage the infection caused to my liver. I’m being treated for it but don’t know the severity of it til next ultrasound.
I feel healthier than ever thanks to a cleaner lifestyle (diet, workouts, etc)
My understanding is that I’ll always have the HBV lurking inside me so will live with the risk of transmitting it for the rest of my life.
Denny

Hi @Denny,
Sorry to hear that you developed cirrhosis due to the HBV infection. I hope the treatment is going well. I have read that sometimes the current antivirals can help with early stage cirrhosis.

Please take care of your blood pressure because if left untreated it can damage the heart walls and lead to problems. As I found out in my case. We need to do everything possible to take care of some of the other health issues. Hang in there. Bansah1.

Thanks, Bright…I’m working on it!
How are the allergies, buddy?
Denny

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It’s strange, i never knew acute hepatitis B Symptoms can last as long as 8 months, mine lasted for just 6weeks, 8months is such a long time to bear those Symptoms especially the nausea gush, the nausea was worse for me, everything irritated me including my girlfriend.

But at least you cured the virus and I believe the risk of infection will be very very low still for you.

Oh God, I wish they can just find a cure eight now

I never had nausea. But then I also never had pain in my abdominal area…things they kept asking about. But everything else that they asked about, I’d had at some point.
Denny