Disclosing CHB in Casual Relationships

Hi @Denny,
Maybe you could start an HBV support group in your area. I am not sure how many patients will show up to just talk about this virus. We will keep trying and advocating for changes that will make life less challenging for all HBV patients around the world. Nice ideas though. Best, Bansah1

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Sound like a fantastic idea but I’m quite used to being my own group…lol…I SHOULD have done what a lady did when I was in getting drained: we had joked around on opposites sides of a curtain and when she left she gave me her name and phone number. Said she’d be happy to be a sounding board as she has been sick for years. She said we could go for coffee and talk.I reached out twice but never heard back.
It’s not like there’s a public registry or anything…maybe one day.

I understand it can be a lonely place to be. I have had to change a lot about my life. Because of my fatigue issues I struggle to meet up with friends. It’s been years since I went out to meet up for just coffee. I empathize and understand what you mean. It sucks at times. It’s unfortunate that she has not responded to a single message from you. I hope at least our exchange of messages helps a bit. I know it’s not the same as meeting someone in person. Is there something that you are passionate about and can do to keep you engaged when you feel the loneliness creaping up? I have school, I do vegetable gardening during our summer and engages in patient advocacy work whenever I am able to. At least they keep me busy from time to time so I don’t really get to feel lonely. Hang in there as best as you can. Bansah1.

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First and foremost, rest assured our little chats have been very helpful.
I’m passionate about my 2 GSDs and glad I’ve had their company…they also kept me from being a couch potato.
I’ll be out on the shop with the warmer temps coming doing little woodworking projects. I hit the gym 3-4/week…gets me out and gives me a little adrenaline rush for a couple of hours.
I get tired, too, but nothing like I used to, for sure. Other than this disease, I think I’m in better, healthier physical shape than ever. It’s the emotional and mental issues that are eating away at me…but I keep working on it.
Why are you so tired? Ennui?
Please remember how special you have become to me and hoping it makes you smile sometimes.
Denny

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@Mila don’t let these people discourage you. I’ve read stories of couples who were in relationships for YEARS and one partner did not know that they were infected (bc, as you mentioned, most folks don’t even know they are carriers) and the other partner was not vaccinated but never became infected but went ahead and got vaccinated when they found out about their partner’s status. So this shows how if people who are NOT vaccinated have been safe from the virus if their partners are carriers, then vaccinated people should have nothing to worry about but unfortunately some people’s ignorance gets the best of them.

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@Denny vaccinated and trusting of science is important. I was afraid when I found out my partner is a carrier but after joining this forum with him and reading around online, I don’t think there seems to be any case of anyone who is properly vaccinated who goes on to develop chronic hep b.

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But everyone has to remember that, if someone doesn’t want to be with you or turned off by your hepatitis B diagnosis, you shouldn’t judge them either.

It’s a choice that they don’t want to take a …. Let’s say 1% of being infected for life, then it’s probably the right choice for them.

It sucks for us, but it’s reality for us.

Thanks for the encouraging words. After seeing what I went through, she’s scared senseless of getting it. And when the specialist says the changes of transmission from kissing is .001%, she takes that as meaning it’s possible. It’s so disheartening for me because there is zero intimacy for me…thankfully snuggling up together is okay…
Denny

You’re right:) no judgement here… also everyone takes risks just being alive, furthermore, there is no difference when you get into serious relationship with the “stranger” since at first we all are, and after some time they might discover that that person has some genetic disease or there is more chance they develop or catch something over time… while, as I learn more about hep b is not such a horrible thing, healthy and balanced lifestyle can keep the virus at bay… in short, I don’t understand people that overreact or being paranoid about it so much… that’s my humble opinion… best wishes :crossed_fingers:t3::roll_eyes:

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I could “make my case” with her: we were intimate when I would have been at my most contagious, she’s drank from my water bottle and used my forks and spoons to share food at times. She now kisses me on the mouth. And she’s fine.But I have to respect her choice to avoid physical contact with me.
I guess this is how lepers must have felt throughout history…

@Denny I assumed she’s vaccinated? I would encourage her to read up more about it and maybe she can become more comfortable overtime! I was also nervous at first but knew I didn’t want to let that get in the way of me and my partner so I read up on it and vaccinated myself. Also, in the very, very, very off chance that she may somehow catch it despite being vaccinated (which would be so incredibly rare if she has the proper titer count) the good news is that ~95% of adults will clear Hep B and not go on to be chronic carriers. Moreover, I’ve read of several stories of couples who were together for YEARS and they did not know their partner was infected (because the partner was unaware, millions have it but don’t know) yet the uninfected and unvaccinated partner never caught it (I assume their partner’s viral load was super low).

I totally understand her fears, as someone who was so incredibly worried about it and considered ending the relationship, but after learning more the vaccine is wildly effective and the chances of catching it while vaccinated virtually 0%

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Thanks. It’s the “virtually impossible” that STILL leaves room for a smidgen on a chance. My cross to carry.

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From what I understood, scientists don’t like to say 100% impossible since, for anything in life, there is a chance of it happening, no matter how crazy it may sound. But from all my research, I couldn’t come across any stores of folks who had proper titer counts, yet became infected. All that to say, I hope she becomes more comfortable overtime and eventually has a change of heart!

I myself have always had a very irrational fear of catching an uncurable virus but after meeting my partner I knew I could not let him go, and the more I read, the more comfortable I became. I hope she’s soon able to overcome her fears like I was! Best of luck to you both!

Also, side note, if you look up stories on HepB.org of couples where one is + and one is -, that could also possibly help her :slight_smile: Seeing people in those situations helped me be more comfortable and realized there are ways to protect myself and just bc my partner has it, doesn’t mean I’ll get it too!

I really do appreciate this well thought out, well presented note. I really hope I stay patient and wait it out…she told me I could go out and find someone but it’s not just about the act…it’s my live for her that keeps me at bay.

I hope it works out! You sound like a wonderful man. I myself was once in her shoes. So please feel free to reach out if you ever have any questions as I completely understand where she’s coming from

And there are so many folks on here who are either themselves + with a - partner, or are - with a + partner, so hopefully some of these stories can act as a source of inspiration and hope for her as they did for me :slight_smile:

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Thank you for this… I need to remain hopeful because she’s my world.

Denny

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Hey. I wanted to share my story as well.
I was diagnosed with HBV in 2018, when I was 25. I never ever had sex, my way of contacting it was dentist. Since then nobody believes, no doctor when I tell them. Also I had an ingrown vaginal septum so i couldn’t physically have sex. Now I’m 31 y.o. never had encounter with man and I don’t really understand how to live life further. I removed my septum this year (I guess I wanted to start live full life) , which I regret cause it seems that now when I remove it I don’t have a proof of my purity, however I guess no matter what I say to justify myself to ppl… the reaction is 100% predictable. I wanted to have a full life, family, but in our world if you sick you’re “ damaged good” nobody wants to be with person with diagnose. All I wanted is to fall in love and have a family and child with a person I love. I don’t understand really what for shall I live. Most devastating part is that doctors first line of people who stigmatized me, then was coupled of friends who suggested to find someone like me. Like this diagnosis has not ruined me enough already… the most stupid part is that I was vaccinated in 2005 Russia… well what a surprise, my mom and brother are clean.

Really sad to hear what you’ve been through. This disease sucks but your life doesn’t have to. For every door that closes there is usually another one waiting to be opened somewhere…sometimes you have to look a little harder but it’ll be there.
If I knew where it was I’d open it for you so you could walk through it and smile. We appear to be an adaptive bunch…adapt or hide in a closet and deprive the world of all you have to offer…
Welcome to the group…
Denny

Welcome @Fckhbvstigma
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m saddened and sorry you are going through this.
I would like to make a few suggestions from my life experiences.
Medical professionals seem to stick up for each other. I have communicated negatively about a doctor to another doctor and was immediately given the cold shoulder. Meaning, when they ask where you got HBV from, say I don’t really know. I got it at around? Years old.
Why do you need to prove your pure?
A person should love you for who you are. Not whether you are pure or have an illness. I do understand though because we all have to deal with the stigma of HBV. It doesn’t have a good reputation. :frowning:
There are other ways to get HBV then through sex. Either way I suggest you stop telling people you have it. It’s none of their business. This is your life not theirs.
A man will come along who will love you for you. I don’t tell future partners until we are maybe close to marriage. If they reject me because of HBV they wouldn’t have made a good husband anyway. “In sickness and in health till death do us part” ….
Btw are you being monitored? Blood tests and ultrasound every six?

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@NeptuneJ

They are the one’s missing out on having a great relationship and don’t want to put in the hard work.
Relationships are not easy. If they run from this what else would they run from? Let them go.
A person who really loves you and are genuine would fight for you. Do anything to make you happy.