Thanks for sharing your feelings, @Void. These are completely understandable and valid emotions to have as it can be a life altering diagnosis. However, know that here on the forum there are people who live long productive lives with Hepatitis B and it impacts very little on their day to day routine (I count myself among these).
Regarding the guilt, I understand but you had no way of knowing. I would suggest that you should have an open discussion with your girlfriend and get through it together. Youāre on the same team!
You are not alone and many have walked the path that you are on at the moment. As many here know, the road gets easier as you progress. Please keep in touch and feel free to reach out to this community whenever you need.
Thomas
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Hey @ThomasTu,
Thanks for your kind words luckily my girlfriend came out clean and does not have this nasty virus makes me super happy knowing I didnt destroy her life or gave her something she would have to worry about her whole life as we both are just 22 yrs old.
That being said I dont feel okay I am a programmer by profession I was gonna take many drastic decisions and was so eager to move to a better future for myself and support my family and lift them from the life theyāve been living but this diagnosis came as a real shock it broke all my hopes, my will to live. I just see darkness ahead and cannot think of anything but me dying and leaving my family I dont know why I deserved this? Will I ever be normal and cured again ? Will I die before making sure my family can live happily without me?
All of these clouded dark thoughts are just depressing me idk when we will see a cure will I be here to be cured its just so sad I am trying to stay positive think of things I can still do and better my life but is it all worth it? What if i do so many changes and I still get diagnosed of HCC Its a blackhole and I am in it with no way out.
Hope we can see a cure within the next few years trying to be hopeful that I get cured in this lifetime.
Thanks for letting me Vent, glad to have a community where I can say what i feel without being judged and being shamed for it.
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Thatās great news about your girlfriend, @void.
Hepatitis B should not stop you from living these dreams that youāve planned for yourself. I myself was diagnosed with Hep B in my teens and I am now the head of a research group dedicated to Hepatitis B cure and understanding how it causes cancer. Through this, Iāve been able to support my family and the community.
It really isnāt about deserving or not, life just happens to people (positive things and negative). You are normal: a third of the worldās population has been exposed to Hep B and 300 million people have a chronic infection - this is a huge number of people in the same boat as you. And this is a manageable condition, and in many cases people live long and fruitful lives.
I hope this provides some context and please keep us updated with how youāre going.
Thomas
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Hi @void,
I agree with @ThomasTu. Living with this virus can feel lonely and challenging, but we have to remember to live. Think of this diagnosis as someone with high blood pressure, it is manageable. We have to remain optimistic and dream big. It is all about our mindset and the way we think.
If you think about the worst happening guess what, that is what will happen. If you want to live, then you have to believe it and act positively that way. Being diagnosed with HBV does not mean you will die or get liver cancer. Having the virus increases the risk, but no guarantee that it will happen. If you are your familyās hope, then you will need to fight to live so you can support them. You are not alone. Try talking to someone if your depression is that bad.
Do not give up and donāt let your diagnosis and HBV control your life. You have power over this virus. Get up, put one foot in front of the other and walk out of that darkness. You can do this. Why are you giving up after all you have been through to get to where you are today? Are you going to sit idle and watch/ allow all your hard work, suffering, tears and sweat to go down the drain?
At 22, you have your whole life in front of you. Donāt waste it because of HBV diagnosis. HBV should not define who you are. Remain positive. Live your life as best as you can. Take things one day at a time. Best, Bansah1
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Dear @void
Hereās a thoughtā¦how would your family feel if you died!!! Think about that thought, when you think you want to take your life, and would be better off dead.
I agree with the things @Bansah1 @ThomasTu have said . HepB is not a death sentence. Itās a small adjustment to life. You can still live life to the fullest. Thereās no cure for asthma and people die from asthma all the time and other life long illnesses. Blood pressure, diabetes 1 & 2 etc.
You are actually very lucky that you have found out your diagnosis at such a young age because you can now be monitored, and if the disease progresses, you will only need to take one tablet a day.
People who are not monitored, who have chronic hepatitis B, may not know that they have liver cancer, and by the time they do they die because thereās nothing medical professionals can do. Thatās why HBV is so dangerous. Mostly itās the ones who arenāt monitored or know they have HBV that die.
Iām 64 have had HBV since around 20 years old. And my sister is 63 years old with HBV, she also has HCV. Unfortunately She does not take care of her health.
There are others who are in this community who are older than me who have it.
So I am proof and they are too that you can live a long life.
Do you know if your parents or siblings have been tested?
This is my experience.
So glad you have found us and you can vent. I find great comfort in this forum.
I understand your feelings Iām feeling dirty. I donāt know why this virus makes us feel this way.
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Thank You so much @ThomasTu @Bansah1 and @Caraline for the reassuring words.
Although its a dark time for me now its been almost 2 months since my diagnosis and I cant say I am in a better place yet.
I canāt seem to focus on anything not even my health thereās always this lingering fear is it even worth fighting for what if i get diagnosed of HCC the next day all of these negative thoughts keep on running through my mind each and every day.
Gladly I have my girlfriend and she has been really supportive and accepting of me and my condition but as I am now I am not able to focus on work and just life in general.
Idk when Iāll be able to be my normal self who I was 2 months back or even if Iāll ever be able to but I am hopeful that some miracle will happen in the near future and I can get rid of this or just that the pain and stress gets easier with time because rn it hasnt been easy at all on my mental health. I cant seem to stop looking for news on cures and or lurk in this forum haha Ig everyone does go through this.
It sucks that I am in India and there are no clinical trials happening or one is even yet to happen.
Iāll be starting gym this week mostly to atleast make sure I get the exercise and keep myself in check but its hard to get myself to do things these days I dont even like doing the things which I used to love i.e Programming.
If anyone in India whoās reading this has a recommendation for a Hepatologist with whom I can raise my concerns because I am scared of HCC and would like to start meds or some natural meds to make sure my Viral Load does not rise because all the doctors Iāve visited just say no to meds but Iāve read on the forum itself that early med can prevent HCC better and being in India means mostly I have genotype D which again increases my concerns for the same.
Thanks for all the support and having such a heartwarming community where I can express my fears and doubts it really is a blessing knowing I am not alone and it makes me hopeful for the future that I will be almost normal and be able to live my life as I planned it to before this diagnosis.
Best Regards.
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Hi @void,
Thanks for the update. The initial struggles and depression/anxiety is real. It is not going to be over in a week or month, it is a process and it takes time. I equate it to what happens in the grieving process, it is going to be all over the place. It is not a straight line. Therefore, it is important to take it slow, one day at a time. It gets better over time, that I can share with you but it takes time to get to that place. Glad you are getting support from your girlfriend, it does help. Find something that you are passionate about to focus your attention/ get occupied with during those dark moments. Like walking, gardening, listening to your favorite songs, etc. I like the gym idea, just donāt overdo it. We appreciate the update and keep us posted.
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Sorry to hear about your struggles, @void. Just know that there are plenty of us out here who have gone through the same thing. Please keep us updated about your status and what youāre going through. Youāll always have support here.
Thomas
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I totally understand how you feel about whether itās all worth it. @void
But it is. Life is full of ups and downs and this is a bump.
I find thinking of others who are worse off than me, helps me to focus on my life and move forward and think how blessed I am. People who actually have cancer, terminal cancer with a young family or people born without arms or legs. Their daily struggles must be enormous. Compared to my illness Helps me put things in perspective. Iām not saying our feelings are not valid or real, they are. And Iām glad that you have found us because itās great to write down our feelings. Thatās something that I do too sometimes when itās overwhelming is to actually write down my feelings that seems to help too-journaling as they now call it, writing in your diary LOL
Medically I donāt think going on the medication to early is recommended. Specially if youāre young. But Iām not a doctor I have lived experience of with HBV of 40 years! I got it when I was around 20 and Iām now 64. I did not start treatment till I was about 55 years old. Still going strong. So you have a lot to look forward to. 
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Hello I was diagnosed with acute HBV a year ago (unfortunately I havenāt cleared the virus within the initial 6 months) like the 95% of people.
in May I had blood tests and Iām still positive, therefore Iām chronic. It has been very hard the past year, months after months hoping to clear the virus and never happened. I got very depressed and felt exactly like you, I totally feel you.
I started to go to therapy and it helped immensely, a year later I feel much better and more positive, I highly suggest you get some help with a psychologist if you can. also this forum has been incredibly supportive and informative.
best Gregory
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Thank you for sharing your story, @Gregory. Iām so glad youāre doing better.
Thomas
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Hi @Gregory,
I am glad you are doing better. Thank you for sharing your experience and encouraging others to seek help if needed. Take it one day at a time. We are always here if you need us. Best, Bansah1
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